Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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