I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
