We won't sleep together?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I will die if light touches me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
