i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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