i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
