when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
