fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
