im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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