Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
