I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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