She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
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where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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