How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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