I need help removing her.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
