Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
