6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
