Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
