You made me cry and you don't even care
never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
