yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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