Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
