final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
