And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
