I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
