Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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