there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
