first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
