You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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