I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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