dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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