Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
