I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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