Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
