No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
