SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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