If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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