I just saw a hot homeless man
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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