I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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