Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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