I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
