Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
