i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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