she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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