do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
