oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
