This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
