so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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