Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
