Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
