I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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