carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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