wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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