well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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