I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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