Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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