clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize