she was so not down for the gang bang
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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