fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
