I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
