literally had 100 drinks last night.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
