someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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