I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
