seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
