Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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