There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
