Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Dignity is for republicans.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
