"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
