I wish i was in the wii world.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
