come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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