The maid of honor just puked.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
