i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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