If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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