The maid of honor just puked.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
