We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
